So, I'm standing because of the lack of chair in my mother's classroom waiting on her to get her grades entered in so we can go home. Waiting, because she only has one conference period to do that. Waiting because god forbid they give her normal sized classes. Waiting and WASTING my time because she doesn't have time to get this done during the day. Oh. And she's not getting paid. Not getting paid to stay after school to put in grades and grade papers because THEY don't give her enough time during school hours to do that. As if teachers get paid very much in the first place.
Blah. I don't know. I do know that I haven't eaten today and that bottle of water isn't very satisfying. Everyday I skip breakfast, I skip lunch, I eat dinner and I go to bed. I wake up, go throughout my day hungry. And distressed. And confused. I'm in a relationship with a guy I like, but am still talking to a guy that broke me in more ways than I thought a person could break. He makes me smile with tears running down my face. On top of that, my grandmother died recently and I hum this lullaby that she used to sing to me all day long and cry in Algebra. I can't talk about it, but I break down in the shower. I blubber and my body heaves and the tears can't come out fast enough. Talk about it? Nope. Not now, probably not ever. I generally bottle things up. This is kind of a paraphrased thing of events that have happened. I think it's more for me to review than anything. I'm just so angry. So incredibly pissed that it's amazing I can function. I scream and shout at everyone, I tell them what pathetic incompetent idiots they really are, and I insult and bitch and whine and moan. Where does that even get me? I hate myself in more ways right now. I hurt myself. I feel pain all the time and I wonder how much of it I feel because I inflict it. I don't have to constantly go over memories in my head and thing of what could be and what is and what if. But I do. Every morning of every day. And I don't have to starve myself all the time. I KNOW I'm hungry in the mornings. I have time. I do. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so...depressing.

I can't believe I put all of that together...I could have put them into little neat paragraphs and sections and went into detail, but instead I went from subject to subject. What a mess.

All well, I guess I might as well post this and hope someone comes along and understands some of it.